Mother Said There Would Be Days Like This

If you live long enough, you discover some things to be true. For me, and I'm getting better at realizing it when it's happening, is that when I have a 'not very good day' - the kind of day your mother told you there would be - I know two things to be true. The first is that for me, this kind of day has little if any discipline or direction, and I feel beside myself for having wasted the day. What I also know is true, is that the next day, I will be ridiculously focused and productive, and the cycle is done. This sort of cycle used to send me to my bed.

This event doesn't happen regularly, actually, not that often. But often enough that I've had to acknowledge it, live through it, then let it go. For the most part, I can move on from it with one regretful note - on that non-productive day, I eat like there is no tomorrow.

Is she, or isn't she...

I've been dying to get home this evening to look this up. Yesterday, while talking to a co-worker, I was allowing that I have certain skill sets that enable me to get people to tell me things. I was getting ready to say that I was a 'connector' (which I think is true) but at the same time I was starting to say this, he said I was a Maven.

A Maven. I've heard of it, and when I think of it, I think of a wise, old crone. Hmmmm. But, as a label, well - might be true. Although there are MANY definitions of a Maven, here are some themes:
(1) an expert or connoisseur, often specif. a self-proclaimed one - from yourdictionary.com
(2) A person who has special knowledge or experience; an expert. American Heritage Dictionary
(3) The word comes from the Yiddish meyvn and Hebrew mevin (מבֿין), with the same meaning, which in turn derives from the Hebrew binah, meaning understanding. Wikipedia, first paragraph
(4) In network theory and sociology, a maven is someone who has a disproportionate influence on other members of the network. Wikipedia, second paragraph
(5) Malcolm Gladwell used it in his book The Tipping Point (Little Brown, 2000) to describe those who are intense gatherers of information and impressions, and so are often the first to pick up on new or nascent trends. The popularity of the work of Safire and Gladwell has made the word widely used in their particular contexts. Gladwell also suggests that mavens may act most effectively when in collaboration with connectors - i.e., those people who have wide network of casual acquaintances by whom they are trusted, often a network that crosses many social boundaries and groups. Connectors can thus easily and widely distribute the advice or insights of a maven. Widipedia, 4th paragraph (I might be both, a maven and a connector!)

I could go on - there are pages in google of definitions or impressions - I cherry-picked, obviously, the ones that I think fit. My perogative, my blog. But, I do believe he may have been on to something.

People have come to me my whole life and told me their story. I really don't know why. These days, I just ask the question, but back in high school or college that would have been to bold and brazen. They still told me. One of the references almost sounded like a witch (chrone), but I still like to think that my boss/co-worker/friend is right - I am the White Oprah.

Which explains all.

Keep Austin Weird

I am slightly jealous of my son. He lives in Austin, and the non-conformist in me would love so much to live there - let my inner-hippie out. If you stay away from I-35, you really get to see cool Austin - piercings, a lot of hemp, eat a lot of veggies and the best part - you slow down a little. My son lives in Southwest Austin and the husband and I spent Friday and Saturday morning doing 'authentic Austin' - rather the UT Austin which I'm pretty tired of.

The husband is a UT grad, and if you've ever known one... it can be insufferable. They really DO think the sun shines on them just a little bit brighter - and sometimes the combination of the range of the color orange they wear does force you to shield your eyes - but not because they have a special glow. Some ranges of orange just are not meant to be mixed - but I defy you to say that to one of them...not a pretty picture.

Anyway, I digress. We went to the Shady Grove in South Austin for lunch and sat with our fellow hippies - well, we were hippies in our head at least but most of the folks around us were real ones. Old ones too - there is something fascinating to me in being around elder hippies - I'm amazed that they had the courage and conviction to really look and live like that their whole life.

Next was the Hula Hut on Lake Austin where we enjoyed a cold one, out on the deck, in approximately 105 degrees. We needed to take a nap after that...

Dinner was at Trudies - so good, still south (only near the dreaded I-35) and so incredibly crowded. If there is a recession in Austin, and we hear there is, you could not have told by the crowd waiting to eat. Food so good - worth the wait.

Saturday morning was the quintessential Austin experience - the Sunset Valley Farmer's Market which is just on the other side of the highway from my son's house. He loves this market and has friends from college who sell gulf shrimp AND sell their ceramics. Funky stuff like this. And then truly unusual pieces like this stunning rock. These artists/botanists create all these pieces of 'live art' called waterstones. They seek out exquisite rock sources, this one happens to be shale from Arizona, and craft the stone in a way that it can house what they call 'Air Plants'. These plants have developed to a point that they take their nutrients from the air, no root system. If we take good care of this little plant that resides attached to this rock, by misting it every three days and not letting the part that is adhered to the rock rot, we can expect this little plant to bloom and re-bloom for years.

This will be the husband's job. He is excellent with plants - his parents have both been gone for over 7 years and he has kept alive plants the family received from their services. This is in preparation for our taking possession of some plants my mother is ready to pass on that she got out of may grandmothers house when she passed - in 1983.

We also bought some Feta cheese that we will eat with the homegrown tomatoes we also purchased - for this I cannot wait for dinner tonight. All and all, an awesome way to spend 24 hours.

So when was the last time the YOU sat through a drum solo - live?

I'm sure it was one of those ideas that sounded so great when it is several weeks out. My friend CZ emailed saying - 'I'm buying tickets to Bob Schneider for Friday, August 7 - you guys want to go?" I saw the group copied - who were all our buddies - and knew that pure peer pressure would be involved - nobody was going to say no, don't want to go.

Before I responded though, I needed to find out - who is Bob Schneider? My first source was my habit - itunes - and I liked the few clips I heard, based on popularity. Next, I saw a revue - 'Bob' is an Austin dude - okay, this sounds good. So, I checked calendar and emailed the husband to see if he knew if he had any plans on August 7 - which was a month away (I knew that answer, but we have agreed to check with each other before making commitments - took us about 25 years to get to that point). He responded with 'who is Bob Schneider'?

Fast forward to yesterday. Busy, busy week, staying up too late and getting up early to workout - I'm tired. Email comes in around 10:30 a.m. from CZ - change in dinner plans - meeting at new, groovy place on Henderson (approx 4 blocks from our first house) at 6:45 because 'Bob' doesn't start until 10 pm. THUD. On a Friday night that is definitely bed time - and 'Bob' will just be starting... OMG, I will need a nap.

Nap taken, party hats on, we pick up the D's down the street and head out to PARK - the new restaurant. Still early so a lot of people in our age range. Then as we are leaving around 9:30, we have seen friends of both our sons who I'm sure are surprised to see us at a trendy spot that THEY hang out at... and it's off to the Granada to see 'Bob'.

I was texting with both boys, so proud of us that we were still awake and actually having a great time! A couple in the group had seen 'Bob' in Austin with their kids and hadn't quite prepared the rest of us for some of the raunchiness of some of the songs... guess we're old enough to hear that stuff, but do we really need to? Oh well, I have to say - it was a blast and we all felt very cool.

Then at the end, 'Bob' introduced the band - and each member got to show off their skills and the last was the drum solo - it was 12:30 a.m. and I was done.

What I love though, is these are the same people we've been doing this stuff with for over twenty years - another experience - and that made it worth it.

Food Glorious Food

"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach" - I know I heard this phrase a million years ago and probably thought very little about it. Makes men sound pretty simple, and as time has gone by, I'm discovering that to be true.

My husband is tall and pretty lean - honestly, if I had to get him through food it would have been a short courtship. My fabulous cooking skills have only been honed in the last few years. The person with the biggest issue about food has always been me, not him.

I knew to keep lots of good stuff to eat around the house for the boys as they were growing up - starting at about Jr. High, and all through high school I kept cheap stuff from Sam's that they could eat in mass quantities. I think I've probably purchased my last box of frozen taquitos - and hot pockets. I knew I was a pretty special mom as long as I had good grub in the house.

While they were in college, I became so popular when I came to town because I would always take them and their friends to dinner - big breakfasts were best - less expensive and no alcohol included.

In the past several years, I learned I could wow my dad when he came to visit with good food, and really good Dreyer's ice cream - OMG - he loves it. The last time he was able to visit, on the way to my house from the airport he asked if we could go to IHOP. Once we got to my house, he asked if I had any of that great ice cream. This obsession with the next meal has become more pronounced as time has gone by. Actually, I understand it - my dad's health has been precarious for several years, he's not able to do much for himself - variety and quality of food has become a high point of his day.

So why am I talking about this? Last night we went to my old boss/buddy Steve's house for dinner. It was wonderful - we took dessert which was ice cream, berries and chocolate sauce. By 10 it was time to go home, we had forgotten to have dessert and left it there for them to have for the weekend.

Well, before we went to bed, the husband began lamenting the fact that we forgot to have dessert. This morning before he left to play golf - he mentioned it again - that he didn't get to have his favorite dessert (it's now been elevated to his favorite dessert). Then, when I was headed to the store, he asked me to buy every exact thing we had taken over to Steve's last night, that we left there, so he could FINALLY have it tonight.

I'm not sure that buying him his new favorite dessert has anything to do with getting to his heart - this time I'm using food to help him move on to a new topic!

Office Drama

Drama. I used to think it was pretty interesting, and if I ever thrived on it, I won't admit it now. I know that any time you put two human beings or more in close proximity of each other you can be sure you will get drama.

This week there was enough drama in my office to make me close my door. I try not to do that, but I also did not want to be drawn in to it - there's a little part of me that just might go there... so it's better to stay away. And staying out of it, but watching it when you have to be around the people involved, is like being the designated driver. What is interesting and intriguing when you are a part of it, looks pretty pathetic when you're not.

By Thursday, it was really wearing me out. While driving home and passing other office buildings, I began thinking about the fact that my office takes up one half of one floor in one 10 story building in one section of other office buildings in my city. In my immediate view, there are many people creating drama in their offices, at the mall and in their cars. Multiply that by all the people who interact with others everyday - and unless you are hiding in a bunker somewhere - that's just about everyone. I am amazed that the energy of all this drama hasn't sucked the air out of the planet.

An old television detective drama, the Naked City, ended each program with this line, “There are eight million stories in the Naked City. This has been one of them.”

Proving that there is everything new - and nothing new - under the sun.

Recurrent Themes

This is kind of new. I'm having experiences or hearing stories that are lining up to the point that I recognize them as 'themes'. I've had several this week. I've heard stories on the radio, read editorials in the paper and magazines and have had several conversations that deal with all sorts of complexities and here is the current theme: unintended consequences.

My enlightenment began with a friend earlier this week on the testimony to Congress on the nomination of Sonia Sotomayor for recommendation to the Supreme Court. We were remarking that they (individuals of the conservative male persuasion) were certainly hellbent on nailing her with the 'wise Latina' remark that she has apparently made in speeches regarding the issue of judgement. I believe it is not only clear that the phrase was taken out of context, but it seems obvious to anyone who writes or makes speeches, that often a certain line or phrase is used to motivate or elicit a positive reaction to targeted groups. When the phrases work, you use them often. She said as much in her quote below:

"I gave a variant of my speech to a variety of different groups - most often, to groups of women lawyers, or to groups most particularly of young Latino lawyers and students. ... I was trying to inspire them to believe that their life experiences would enrich the legal system because different life experiences and backgrounds always do. I don't think that there is a quarrel with that in our society."

No doubt Judge Sotomayor did not imagine how those simple words would become the focus by an interrogation of mostly Southern white men, hammering her with that phrase again and again, regarding her nomination to the Supreme Court.

Later in the week I was telling a work friend about a story I'd hear on NPR. The fellow being interviewed lives on the Border in Texas and the conversation was about the folly of building a 'wall' on the border between Mexico and the US. One of the points of this interview I was telling my friend about was the drug aspect and the view of this man, that drugs should be legalized. His view was to define the unintended consequence of criminalizing individuals in possession of drugs - is that we now have a very bloated prison and criminal justice system. Drug sellers should be prosecuted, drug addicts should be steered towards treatment. Drug addiction brings its own natural consequences regarding the inability to work and to function daily - being incarcerated doesn't work towards resolving the individuals problem. I tend to agree; however, the complexity of the issue at hand that day, regarding the wall, made this just ONE of the issues that needs to be addressed - and all the issues are entwined in a rather large 'ball of confusion'.

These were just two of the issues in this realm of realization this week. Others included the fact that now that we're scared to death of not having jobs or losing our homes - the American people are doing what they should have been doing all along. Saving money. The unintended consequence is - we need to be spending money to help move the economy forward and help people keep their jobs.

And now I finally get this phrase - no good deed goes unpunished.

You Gotta Love It

Yes, the summer doldrums have hit network TV - and since we were probably the only people in the neighborhood who did not adequately prepare for the switch to digital, we fiddle every night with our new kitchen TV screen and antenna, and can only get the NBC channel regardless of all the antenna angles. I say that as a caveat to the fact that last night we watched not just one, but two hours of "America's Got Talent" (shhh, don't tell anyone).

However, I dare you to watch this video and not smile. Come on, this is like one of the most uplifting things I've seen in a long time. After a frustrating day, this has been great to watch, again - yeah, and again. (Note: it has been disable for embedding but can be seen here)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mznk5IvYNGg&feature=PlayList&p=19EEF59C7E0CA84B&index=0&playnext=1
I must admit that I have several good friends that are in the 60 range, and although they can dance like fools, I've NEVER seen any of them do anything like this - yet.

I didn't just love her act - I loved that she did it and with tongue in cheek, went out there had a great time. I wish a night like this for all of us, just once.

PS This is Nannie's birthday - she was the best!

What A Week...

Sometimes, a good string of music comes out in shuffle mode on my ipod and it's almost spiritual. Like the stars being in alignment. A few nights ago while I was out on my 50 minute speed walk, the best group of 'getaway' songs began to play and I lost myself in thought and other things, and I really needed it. 

This has been one of those weeks where a good stream of songs feels like an angel on my shoulder - it's been a disconcerting week.   The economy is still in limbo - leaning towards dreadful, it's close to record-breaking heat for June and a really great co-worker died unexpectedly over the weekend. I'm traveling for work, the husband is traveling for work and I'm feeling a little discombobulated - I really appreciated that ipod stretch.

Then, on Friday, a double-whammy - Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson both died on the same day - a cultural/emotional blow to anyone in my age range - and apparently many others given the relentless coverage of MJ on TV.  Each of them hold a place in my memory but honestly, Michael more than Farrah - I was always pretty sure that even if I got the Farrah haircut, I was never going to look remotely like her, so I never let it be an issue. 

Michael Jackson's music on the other hand, holds incredible memories for me. Given my unusual affinity for all music that is soul, jazz or Motown - the Jackson Five were favorites of mine from the first time I saw them.  I disco danced to them through high school and college, then got up in the middle of he night in the 80's to take care of babies while watching this new program called MTV... and amazing videos of Michael Jackson.  I continued to like him, tried to not be too judgmental through the weirdness, but that was hard sometimes to reconcile.

I used to make CD's for friends for Christmas and birthdays - and a couple of years ago I had put one of my favorite MJ songs, Rock With You, right in the middle of the CD.  I had one woman tell me she couldn't understand why I would put a Michael Jackson song on the CD considering what he has done. Wow, I was surprised.  I told her to hit 'forward' on her player when it came on... 

It is now Saturday night after his Thursday death and I wish we could just focus on his incredible music, not his peculiar ways. This is my favorite Michael, the way I like to remember him.  And on tomorrow's morning walk with my ipod - I'm hoping for something from Thriller.

My Stay-cation

Well, not as planned, but our mini-vacation to Crested Butte turned into a stay-cation due to weather. Flights, connections and weather - it just wasn't happening and I felt it when I got up this morning. I worked through the morning because I'm not good with changing plans when it includes an airport - especially when your travel companion is monitoring the situation online with 30 minute updates that change every thirty minutes. Work is one thing that I have plenty of and absorbs my time (yep, that sounds a little pathetic).

Once the decision was made to totally bag the effort of fighting the odds, the husband and I went into stay-cation mode. He took a nap while I regrouped - we ran out and saw the movie "UP" which was delightful, then went to Jake's for a burger - a real one. The husband set up a golf game for 8 a.m. and I am going to do the crossword puzzle out of the paper before I head out to work off the excellent burger.

I may end up really liking this stay-cation.

PS  Ranger game was awesome, these were our seats!

I Don't Know What To Say About This

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=5073156n

I find these two guys amazing on CBS Sunday Morning - almost worth missing church for. This one gave me pause, no commentary yet. Just compelling.

TRA-DI-TION da da da da da daaa TRADITION!

Yes, you are supposed to be singing like Tevye here while I'm still enjoying the memory of the Bat Mitzvah I attended this weekend. Not the party, although it was pretty amazing, it is this service that I find very inspiring. This was my second Bat Mitzvah, and although I know this child, I believe a total stranger could be standing up there and I would still be moved.

This particular rabbi spoke the words that totally encapsulated the essence of this service. He said that the Bat Mitzvah service is not mystical or magical - nothing dramatically changes. Rather, it is a bridge from childhood to adulthood, in this case the transition to a Jewish woman. I love this description because it states the value of participating in a ceremony that describes a transition in life. It's good for teenish age kids to stand up before friends and family and participate in a validation of a passage of time, of age; an event they never really forget. Now, this girl may remember her magnificent party more than the service, but as in so many events, the more serious event often is recalled as they get older.

The year my younger son was graduating from cub scouts to boy scouts, one of the other leaders and I had this amazing idea (I'm sure it was spurred on by wine). We live near a lake that has a sailing club, and we thought how cool it would be to 'crossover' to Boy Scouts by sailing across this small lake to the other side, where the boy scout troop they would be joining would be waiting. We had a group of 13 who would be making this passage and we were able to con(vince) the master of the club to get a few folks to show up and glide these boys across the lake. What we hadn't planned on is siblings wanting to go (and their mothers promising they could), boys who were scared, boys who couldn't keep their hands out of the water and the ropes... you name it and it happened in those harrowing 20 minutes. On the other side was a wonderful Scout Master, Mr Franco, and ANY scout (or teenage boy) he could get to come out and wear something that looked remotely like a scout shirt. Mr.Franco had a little ceremony - he passed something out to the boys, and it was done. It was bedlam, the den moms were frazzled - and although we wanted to drown the boys at that point, it was a success. It was talked about, it was in the local paper, and I have actually heard from other mom's that it was remembered.

Tradition.

All The World Really Is A Stage

A rather wise woman, who I have paid thousands of dollars to over the years (I'm not kidding), provided me with a really useful technique several years ago. The purpose and best use of this technique is when you are sucked into the emotional vortex of a situation that needs a solution - and all you can do is ruminate on it - spinning in perpetual circles - you pull this little trick out of your back pocket to acquire clarity. I wish I could remember to employ this quicker than I usually do, I would save myself A LOT of grief.

Here it is. Harken to Shakespeare and remember this:

Jaques:
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.
As You Like It Act 2, scene 7, 139–143

His acts being seven ages is for another day - today I'm focusing on the first two lines; All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players.

Now, for the cool part. Pull yourself up above your own personal stage so you are looking down; and take the situation and individuals you are trying to deal with; and watch them without emotion. Really, it's enlightening - you can do it. When you begin to look at them through this view point, without your emotions involved - and -if you look with an open eye, you can often stop the spinning and get a grip on a possible solution. Maybe two. It's really amazing.

Either I'm somewhat enlightened, or just tired of all the spinning, but I'm getting better at recognizing the need for this tool - and pretty often lately. I try to use it with my boys so that I don't get emotionally involved in their business - they are 23 and 25 after all. I had to do it in reflecting on how I dealt with a conversation amongst a few friends last week - but then I also had to re-tell the situation and how I resolved it to a friend. I wasn't sure I was viewing the scene properly (she said I was - good friends are like that).

I'm intrigued because I think someone in the Obama Administration knows how to utilize this skill set as well. They are viewing a very large stage with SO MANY actors - puts my little stage to shame. But, I think it's with that distanced eye that they are showing an adeptness in seeing the larger picture and extracting the essence of each scene; then adding it to the next one. Still, I worry. I just hope they don't get a cast of thousands up there and the stage implodes on itself.

As for my stage, it has cast multiple plays since I first learned of this concept - I fought it initially because I still thought the world would stop spinning if I didn't control it. Gradually, I discovered that not only will it continue to spin, but I don't have to add my own set of whirling issues - I can take a view from above, create solutions and enjoy watching all my actors.

Transitions

Anna Quindlan is leaving Newsweek magazine, she feels it's time let younger people have a shot at her spot in the world. Either she is leaving of her own accord, or she is experiencing a life transition because it is time. So, we readers are having to transition as well.

Everywhere I look right now I see transitions. I'm preferring not to call it CHANGE, the election season of '08 made that particular word ubiquitous - so I'll talk about transition here. Actually, I think it's a better word for what I am seeing and experiencing.

We just transitioned a college son back into our home - more specifically to his old room. Which had become my office. This led to my desk needing to be moved into what had become the husbands office, formerly my older sons bedroom. This, in turn, caused the husband to convert an armoir in the den into a computer cabinet/desk for himself; his beloved roll-top desk that I never cared for had made its way into the former bedroom of older son - and now doesn't work well anywhere in the house. The roll-top is now for sale - actually, I'd pay someone to get it out of here at this point. This is my current, most immediate transition. Today happens to be college sons birthday, emotional transition.

I'm traveling a lot these days for my job, which I really enjoy. However, the husband is traveling less and is now home more than I am and this is new for us. This has been a rockier transition for me, really don't know how he views it, I'm sort of scared to ask.

Our minister, Roger, is retiring - and he's really working hard to ease us into this transition. We've got to let him go in order to make room for the new guy. We've had a year of parties, sermons, dinners, guest preachers, you name it - to prepare for this. He should feel that he is leaving us well and okay, he's done a great job. New guy starts in August and collectively, we're looking forward to it because Roger has given us permission - transition can go forth.

As wise people have said, the only thing you can be sure of is change. Transition is the way we move from one thing to another. This word is one that all of us would be good to learn to love and accept, because it's sort of life's essence - change and transition.

I Wish I Were A Better Person

Queen Noor was the headliner at a fund-raising luncheon for a local, very admired women's shelter in my town. She was simply wonderful - very real, sincere, candid and grounded - you feel like you could sit around the kitchen table and have a cup of coffee with her. Sort of the way I used to feel about Oprah, who is wonderful, but certainly not a 'Queen'.  And seemingly not as in touch with reality as she once was but that is another topic.

The executive director of this particular group is a force-of-nature in her own right; she just does not get to carry the 'Queen' title. Her enthusiasm for this organization has never wavered - she is older than I am and I envy her amazing energy.  I met her last year, actually interviewed with her for a job as marketing director for the non-profit.  She gave me her time, took me on a tour through the shelter, and basically told me I was ridiculously over-qualified - which was very true of my skills but not of my self-image at that time.  She let me off the hook - I would have eventually become miserable in that job; what would have initially begun out of an altruistic heart would have ended with much frustration and disappointment.  I think I was attracted to the passion I hear coming out of non-profit work, especially when I found myself at a crossroads in my career and my life.  What I discovered was that what I really needed at that time was a vacation, not a major career change.

Now I'm on the board of a small non-profit that I am really excited about. It is a program that prepares mostly women to learn enough English to get into a GED program. The director of this non-profit is also amazing - another force of nature. She has ideas and creativity unlike anything I've ever seen - probably very much like the gal I described above but about 30 years younger.

I don't think I have ever had the sort of high powered energy and focus I see in either of these two women. And experiencing the younger one and the older one, I really think you're born with this energy and drive - maybe it's not a specific or well formed idea, but people like this just don't know how to 'sit around'. They do things - big things. Some go into business and use those skills to make money, some go into government and figure out the system early on so they can become leaders; and some hear the call of the non-profit world and lead those of us who just hope that through their example we will become a better person.

And that would be me.